Thursday, May 28, 2015

Please bear with me on this post.
I went to the oncologist today. Other than my platelets, which were 60K, and the WBCs, which were 3.3K, everything else was fine. 
And I am depressed.
I know what is going to happen next. Everyone who knows me will say, "That's great!" They'll think it's all better and the battle is over.
Except it isn't.
Like the doctor said, the cancer isn't there now, but it's lurking. In many ways, that is harder than hearing it's back. At least when it's back I know what's ahead of me.
Having people act like everything is fine, it's all "back to normal" is a very isolating experience. People act like, "Oh, crisis over," as if you don't need support anymore.
Except you do.
I don't want to sound as if no one supports me, because that is not the case.  I could not ask for better parents.  They have been there for me every step of the way, through all of the good and bad (and there has been plenty of bad, believe me).  I have some faithful friends who have made this burden lighter.  If you want to know who your true friends are, get cancer.  People who you thought were your friends disappear, but there are people who you never considered your friends who become faithful companions.  I would be remiss not to mention a group of nurses on the internet who have surprised me with the depth of their kindness and generosity.  Many of us have never met in person, but in my case, that didn't stop them from stepping in when I needed it most.
As far as my treatment plan, right now I'll be having my tumor markers (bloodwork that measures the activity of the ovarian cancer) drawn every three months.  I go back to the oncologist in two months just for a follow up.  If the cancer comes back, he said he would plan on putting me on an oral chemotherapy that is specific for ovarian cancer.
Deep breath.  One step at a time.

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