Thursday, May 28, 2015

Please bear with me on this post.
I went to the oncologist today. Other than my platelets, which were 60K, and the WBCs, which were 3.3K, everything else was fine. 
And I am depressed.
I know what is going to happen next. Everyone who knows me will say, "That's great!" They'll think it's all better and the battle is over.
Except it isn't.
Like the doctor said, the cancer isn't there now, but it's lurking. In many ways, that is harder than hearing it's back. At least when it's back I know what's ahead of me.
Having people act like everything is fine, it's all "back to normal" is a very isolating experience. People act like, "Oh, crisis over," as if you don't need support anymore.
Except you do.
I don't want to sound as if no one supports me, because that is not the case.  I could not ask for better parents.  They have been there for me every step of the way, through all of the good and bad (and there has been plenty of bad, believe me).  I have some faithful friends who have made this burden lighter.  If you want to know who your true friends are, get cancer.  People who you thought were your friends disappear, but there are people who you never considered your friends who become faithful companions.  I would be remiss not to mention a group of nurses on the internet who have surprised me with the depth of their kindness and generosity.  Many of us have never met in person, but in my case, that didn't stop them from stepping in when I needed it most.
As far as my treatment plan, right now I'll be having my tumor markers (bloodwork that measures the activity of the ovarian cancer) drawn every three months.  I go back to the oncologist in two months just for a follow up.  If the cancer comes back, he said he would plan on putting me on an oral chemotherapy that is specific for ovarian cancer.
Deep breath.  One step at a time.

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Wednesday, May 13, 2015

The Bald Nurse is again on hiatus until she's seen by her oncologist next week and feeling better.

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Tuesday, May 5, 2015

Well, it turned out that I had a sinus infection. Antibiotics, cough medicine, and it's much better.  I still have laryngitis, but that will resolve.

I went to the oncologist today, and despite 10 shots of Neupogen, my WBC remain low...2.1K.  The oncologist said he was not going to give me any more chemo.  He said I was too run down and looked haggard.  According to him, I wouldn't be able to tolerate more chemo at this time.  He talked about the possibility of a bone marrow transplant, but I nixed that idea.

Then he told me that since I recurred, I will likely continue to recur.  When I recur will dictate what kind of treatment I get; if it's more than a year, I can get Carbo again.  If it's sooner than a year, we'll have to look at other options.

So, as of now I am in remission, but am still pretty sick.  I'm frustrated that I couldn't finish my last three treatments.  It concerns me because I'm afraid I'll recur sooner because of that.

I saw the cardiologist yesterday, and thank goodness things are going well with that.  I don't need to see him for another six weeks.

So, that's the scoop.  Not what I was hoping for, but as the Stones sang, "You can't always get what you want."

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